Wednesday, June 14, 2017

The End

Today was my last day as a teacher at a school that has held deep meaning for me since I was 8 years old (thirty years if you're keeping track). 

It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be to say goodbye. In fact, if we're being totally honest, I didn't even bother to say goodbye to most of my colleagues. I have known for quite some time that I do not belong there...well before The Husband told me last fall that I had outgrown the school. I didn't really understand what he meant when he said that, but over the course of this school year, I came to really see and believe that he was correct.

I have always been an anomaly. I don't fit anyone's mold. I don't conform. I don't do things just because someone else told me to. I don't believe I am better than anyone else (believe me, I still screw up, a lot, and in huge ways). I just try to face every day with the goal of being a better me than I was the day before. That's all. 

Yet there are many adults I work with who think I believe I am better than they are. I MUST be full of myself because I dared pursue National Board Certification. I MUST think I'm better than others because I'm working on my doctorate. There has been no such thing as genuine praise...it all comes at a cost. All of it.

So, it was time to go. I really thought today would be harder. I did. Several years ago when I got moved erroneously, it was SO HARD to pack up on the last day. It was unfair and I was not happy about it at all. I cried. The kids cried....but this time, perhaps because I left on my own terms...there were no tears, no sadness. I mean, I AM sad to leave a school that has meant so much to be. But I'm also not sad...because I know I am needed elsewhere. The promises of a fresh start and a bright future are amazing and I think that's enough to buoy me forward. 

Has it all been terrible? No, of course not. I have told people the only person I am leaving that school because of is me. I see my (now former) school going in a direction I don't agree with. Does it mean that direction is bad? No. It's just not what I think it should be. That's fine. It doesn't make me right and them wrong. It doesn't make them right and me wrong. It just means our goals and our vision are no longer aligned...and I'm smart enough to go before things go even further in a direction I don't want to be part of. 

I have learned a lot there. I have, without a doubt, literally saved lives. I have made a difference. That is what I set out to do...and I did it. Now it is time to take my talents, my passion and my tenacity somewhere else and make a difference there. 

I have always believed God would tell me when it was time for me to go. The stars would align and things would happen as they were meant to...and not only did I get my first choice school, I also really hit it off with my new principal (and I am EXCITED to work with her because I think she sees that I have so much to offer) and my new school is five minutes from The Oldest's new house. This means I will get to see my grandson multiple times per week....a luxury I currently do not have due to schedules and her place being in an inconvenient location. 

It will all work out. Things will be fine. Former School will move on with its bad self and continue to do amazing and great things for kids. And my New School will welcome me, embrace me and help me to find a new and better purpose and direction for the passion I have for children. The only way to go from here is up. 

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