Wednesday, April 30, 2014

School

Hopefully, as of June 29th, I will be a doctoral student. I am excited to take this next step but also nervous...especially because over the last week or so, it has become apparent to me that people in my professional life are jealous of my professional accomplishments. 

I really hate to use the word "jealous" but I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know why they would be. They all have the exact same ability to go online and sign up to become a National Board Certified Teacher, just like I did. In fact, last year when I was working on it, I said something about it to one of my colleagues and she said it sounded like too much work for her. I've heard that from most people....but then I hear that people are basically intimidated and jealous because I am Board Certified and they aren't. Sounds like a load of whooey, right?

Apparently not. It has caused strife that I didn't even know existed. Quite honestly, it makes me mad. I bust my butt at my school, always. Sure, I'm  loud and obnoxious and should probably learn to shut up sometimes (I totally wear my heart on my sleeve, especially when it comes to my kids), but I advocate like whoa for people. I always step up to help when asked....to be slapped in the face because they are essentially jealous. Again, that wasn't the word used to me in this enlightening conversation but it's really the only one that fits.

I was also told that people are afraid of me because they perceive me as "powerful". I don't know where that comes from. I'm just me. I'm just Raye. Again, sometimes loud and obnoxious but I will fight for my students until my very last breath, especially if I think they are being dis-serviced. I want the accountability on everyone who holds a stake, not just me. I don't know where this perception that I have any more power than anyone else comes from. 

But now, I feel like I can't share my goals and ambitions with people that I work with because THEY perceive that I'm showboating or rubbing it into their face...which I'm not and never intend to do. Of course I'm proud of myself. I'm the only NBCT in  my entire district. It's a big freaking deal! But it's not like I bring it up every 10 seconds as was implied. So now...as I prepare to take on the second biggest move of my career, I feel like I can't share it...because it will cause strife. Simply because other people perceive my actions as a slight against them. 

I know...it sounds ridiculous. It IS ridiculous. I would never, in a billion years, ever hold it against someone that they bettered their self in some way. I wouldn't be jealous...and if I was, I would shut the hell up and go on to accomplish the same thing. It's not a competition. I don't think I am better than anyone else...but it really bothers me that this is the perception other people have...simply because I'm not afraid to say what I think...especially if I don't agree with something. 
 
It's really sad that I have to stifle my creativity and my passion for teaching and learning and bettering myself and the profession because other people will be upset by what I accomplish. Other people will see it as me showcasing something that I have busted my ass for. 
 
It also shows me that I may not be able to stay where I am...because it's not fair that I can't be myself and be proud of myself and work hard to accomplish my ultimate goals for the future because of the perceptions other people have. I hate to think that the people I have surrounded myself with professionally are that narrow-minded...but perhaps I'm not as good of a judge of character as I have thought. 
 
I'm really sad about the whole thing to be frank...because now I have to make a tough decision about whether or not I can even stay there. I am always the very first one to volunteer to help and go the extra 80 miles...and obviously it is not appreciated at all. 
 
My only comfort is knowing that I absolutely will accomplish my goals. Only those who truly have supported me, always, will get to celebrate and bask in the glow of that with me.



The Caffeinated Teacher

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Spring Fever + MAP

Mother Nature needs to get with the program! I'm ready for 60-70 degree weather every day...not just when she feels like giving it to us! :) 

We've had some Spring Fever this week. Oh my word. The kiddos aren't naughty or anything (well no naughtier than fourth graders are wont to be) but we just long to be outside and play and run and frolic.

Alas, we are just about to MAP test so we've had to push our little brains to the brim. We have our first test Monday morning. At 8:45. Have I mentioned school starts at 8:30? Yeah. I'm not really thrilled with that time slot but I guess someone has to do it, right?

We have been working on data the last two weeks since  we came back from Spring Break. I believe I mentioned that our school district unspiraled the Everyday Math and added a lot of performance type tasks. This isn't horrible...it just isn't very easy to follow. Unfortunately, I noticed that whomever was working on the fourth grade new units did not include a data unit. At all. NOTHING whatsoever about data. Uh...considering every year that I have used the MAP, the biggest thing on the spring test is DATA, we needed to do something. So I waved my magic wand (lol) and created a short data unit for us to use before the MAP.

I'm not sure my kiddos really have all of the basics down but hopefully they will be okay. We are taking the Reading test Monday and the Math next Monday. I'm more nervous for the math than the reading because even though we've been busting our butts....they don't always remember what I've taught them from Monday to Tuesday, let alone over the course of a year or semester. 

We shall see. I will be glad when the whole thing is done and over. Very ready to put this year to bed.





The Caffeinated Teacher

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Drama + Changes + Easter

Happy Easter bloggers! I hope you a) got a long weekend and b) had a restful and enjoyable holiday if you celebrate. :)


There has been a ton of drama in my life lately. Some work related, others personal. I would honestly have liked to crawl into a cave and stay there at one point this week. Cave = solitude = no drama! Ugh.

The Oldest, as it turns out, was not happy with the college she selected. The very university that interviewed me this summer and *almost* hired me. They are making a lot of changes. This isn't necessarily bad but The Oldest had a certain view of what it should/would be like and it wasn't. She also did not get along, really at all, with her roommate. Things started to unravel when I got home from my DC trip because there was a letter in the mail stating that she was on academic probation because she was failing two classes. I was mad because she had never told us. It all came to a head this week when she accused me of holding her to an unreachable standard, having expectations she can never reach and expecting her to be perfect.

Call it a late teenage rebellion but let's just say, she's lucky that she was 9 hours away...because had she spoken to me in person like that, I may well have bent her over my knee! A lot of cursing (her), threatening (also her) and peacemaking (me) later and I used my Good Friday holiday off from school to drive to West Virginia to withdraw her from school and bring her home. (And if you've read this blog for any length of time, you won't be surprised to know that I told her if she ever spoke to me that way again, she would cease to exist.)

When all was said and done, she was unhappy. The college wasn't what she expected and there was a ton of drama going on with her roommate and suite mates. She didn't handle it well and I think it bothered her being so far away from home that she just couldn't escape the crap even on weekends or anything. 

I did tell her that things aren't always what we want them to be. After the Grade Level Shuffle this summer, things have not been 100% perfect being back at my school. Not by a mile. It doesn't mean I want to leave (although sometimes, it does cross my mind...for many reasons) but I also have a lot more experience dealing with life than she does. So we had to have a little chat about life. I pointed out to her that she can disagree with what I say or think. She can also tell me no (within reason obviously--I *do* pay her bills). What she can't do is blame other people for the choices SHE makes. Because it's a cop out and it's a load of crap. 

I think that hit home when I told her that no matter what she decides to do now, I won't be paying her tuition again. That ship has sailed. I coughed up a lot of money that I didn't have for her to go where she wanted to go. And I was more than happy to do that since I never even had the option. Alas, when she threw it all back in my face without so much as a thought to everything I have given her over the years....she basically incinerated that bridge. She realizes that and accepts it (she probably doesn't like it but she accepts it).

I'm not sure what she will do now. She definitely has to look for a job. She can't just sit around. Heck no, girlfriend you are 18 now...time to join the real world. My hope is that she'll take at least one class this summer at the community college and then go back full time this fall. It'll definitely be different than her little university but overall much cheaper and she'll be home with all of her friends and whatnot. Maybe she will finish an associates there and go to Western Michigan or Grand Valley or something. I don't know...she has some tough choices to make.



Speaking of tough choices....I have also had to make some lately. I actually have four jobs I get paid to do (plus being a mom which is obviously the hardest and well underpaid!). I quit one this week. I just can't do it all anymore. Another will be put on hold for a bit. I might write some this summer but alas, it will be on hold indefinitely for the foreseeable future because I am putting my ducks in a row to enroll in graduate school to earn my doctorate. I have searched other programs and I think I found the one I want. The concentration is in Teacher Leadership and it sounds like it will be the right track to help me down the road when I'm finally ready to open my own school. I'm finishing up my application packet this week and hope to actually start this summer.

It's a cohort program like many doctoral programs are.One class at a time, five weeks per class. By my estimation, it will cost me the same each year to get my Ed.D that it would have cost me to finish financing The Oldest's Bachelor's degree for the next three years. I'm really excited about it--nervous too of course--but I know this is something I need to do for myself. I also know that it is going to be the final push to help me make the changes I want and need to make. 

Just hope that things slow down at bit with the real job...don't get me wrong, I love teaching and my students. Alas, this year is not what I expected it was going to be and I'm very ready for the year to be done. 8 more weeks and then I can regroup and hopefully be ready to start fresh again next year. In the same classroom. In the same grade. It has been five years since that has happened and I'm quite thrilled about it!




The Caffeinated Teacher

Sunday, April 13, 2014

End of Break = Sadness

I am not ready for Spring Break to be over. Not ready at all!

My break started April 3 at 3:30 officially although I didn't leave school until about 5:45. A colleague of mine who signed on to sell Thirty-One with me and I went to the Summer Premiere together that night. It was super fun and a great way to start our break :) 

Over the next week, I did a lot of relaxing, we went out a couple of times but mostly stayed home and just did whatever we wanted (read: hanging out in PJs all day, reading books, playing Sims 3, etc). It was fabulous. 

Yesterday we went to the zoo and it started raining but I brought my umbrella so it was fine. It was kind of a bummer because the weather was GORGEOUS when I was at the gym in the morning and then it got crappy. It was the warmest day of the week too. Rude. Last night we had a couple of big storms roll through and knock down lots of trees and power for about 12 hours. It came back on around 6:30 this morning just in time for another storm to come through. (Gotta love spring in Michigan!)

I have to admit that I have to dig out the grading I didn't quite finish on the 3rd and get it done so I'm all set for tomorrow. Kinda don't want to though. Denial, much? :)

Of course I love what I do. It's all I have ever really wanted to do (well besides write)...but sometimes, I'm tired. Tired of politics, tired of drama. I think this year is worse than most years because we had SUCH a long winter and we get a teaser of a couple of nice days and then its supposed to be 49 and then 39 the first two days back. Seriously?? SNOW is in the forecast even though today's high is 66. I'm over snow and never want to see it again (well at least not until Christmas). Ugh.

It's only a four day week though so that's good. No recess duty for me (again) because I have it on Friday and we have no school haha :) I am meeting my fall TA on Wednesday morning and that's something to be happy about. I'm really excited to meet her. She may well hang out for awhile in my room on Wednesday which is fine with me. It'll be good for her to see how things work in my room after procedures and expectations have been put into place for most of the year. 

I did my TA in the winter so I just slipped in and helped with what my CT already had in place. I've never had anyone in the fall so that will be interesting. I tend to be kind of fussy about how I do things so I have to remember that she is learning. Of course in the TA semester their job is to come in and basically assist....but I want her to feel like she has a say in what happens in my room too. After all, I hated my student teacher's idea of a Homework Hotspot last year but I use it this year....I guess I shouldn't say I hated the idea, I hated how we set it up. We were so limited with wall space and I did not like how we had to do it...but this year I found a 27 pocket organizer that hangs on the window by the door and it works fabulously. So you never know...she influenced me more than she probably realizes. I'm sure  my TA will bring something new to the table as well. 

I think I just want to be sad because it's a gloomy day and I don't want to get up early and go to work tomorrow haha

The Caffeinated Teacher

Monday, April 7, 2014

Morals + Foot Art

Ever notice how sometimes when you think things are going exactly how you want, but then something happens and you realize that you had the proverbial wool pulled over your eyes?

I've experienced that lately. I'm not happy. I love what I do and I love where I'm doing it....but things have come to my attention lately that I am totally against. I'm pretty damn straight-forward. What you see is what you get. I will fight for you, I will defend you and I will take my last breath sticking up for what I think is right, especially when it impacts children. I will do this until you cross me or you do something so immoral that I lose all respect for you. Pretty much, once you lose it, you won't get it back. Ever. I tend to hold a grudge, big time. Even when I have tried to let that part of me go...in certain situations, I can't. When it involves morals...there is no going back. I can tolerate just about anything, but I certainly won't be on your side if I believe you have compromised your morals (or tried to compromise mine), regardless of the reason. It's one thing I absolutely can not and will not forgive.

If you would compromise your morals to throw someone else under the bus, it's not cool. I don't care what it's about, it's just wrong. As such, however, sometimes this happens and I don't know what to do with the information. Do I say something? Do I shut up and file it away? I just don't know and it makes me angry, mad, irritable and just downright feel lost. It's a crappy feeling to have.

I'm hopeful that over Spring Break, I can clear my head about it. It bothers me enough that I haven't been able to just let it go. It's hard. I want to do the right thing but I also don't want to stick my foot in the fire if I don't need to.

Where is a magic wand when you need one??? I could just wave that baby and everything would be fabulous ;)


As is normal in my posts of late...two topics in one because that's how I roll. :) On Friday, the first day of Spring Break, I pampered myself. I got a fabulous pedicure and then went and did some foot art. Fabulous, no? Honestly it did not hurt nearly as much as my wrists...having it done felt like a bee stung me repeatedly and my foot ached for about 2 hours afterward but it's been absolutely fine since. I LOVE this. It's my favorite of all of my tattoos.

I have to say that I think the left foot is feeling mighty jealous though. It has no ink. Look how lonely it looks! The Husband thinks I'm a freak (he has zero tattoos and won't get any) but now that I see how awesome my Phoenix looks....I really want to put something on the other foot. I just don't know what yet.



The Caffeinated Teacher

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Cash and Carry

Are you a Thirty-One lover like I am? I have a bunch of items listed as Cash and Carry in my private FB group that I am just dying to get rid of. Some are already retired prints/items, some will be as of April 30th. 

If you're interested, please check out my private group here. (You have to be approved to join but request to join and I'll add you.) You have to pay for shipping but all of the products (except two) are listed below what I paid for them. All of them are either brand new, never used or brand new, display use only. 
 
I am DETERMINED to get these out of my house to prepare for the new product line so prices could be negotiable depending upon the item. Check it out!







The Caffeinated Teacher

Friday, April 4, 2014

31 + FINALLY Spring Break!

Thank the good Lord we are FINALLY on Spring Break. Seriously, there may have been bloodshed if we had had one more day. My patience as of yesterday was exactly NIL. My students weren't naughty or anything, just totally forgot to put their brains in every morning. Holy cow, it was like pulling teeth to get them to do any kind of thinking whatsoever when it really mattered. I thought I was going to lose my mind (and that they might lose their little heads because I was so fed up).

But thankfully, that is all behind me and I have 10 entire days to RE-LAX. wEWt! I am not traveling for break at all, just staying home. Fine by me. Relaxation it is. Although I do think I am going to get my tattoo done finally...hopefully the weather stays warm enough for me to wear sandals so my foot can heal.


I got to start my Spring Break in the coolest way possible -- a Thirty-One summer catalog premiere! Oh my goodness, I am so excited for this new catalog. Even more excited because I am going to be earning the Ready, Set, Sell incentive and therefore will be getting a bunch of new product from the new summer collection for FREE. Seriously they have outdone themselves this time, I think. 

I can't wait to get my hands on these new products and carry them around with me. I will be clearing out my current product display and will have a bunch more stuff to add to my Cash and Carry box since it's not a good idea to display prints that people can no longer buy.  

I was supposed to have a party tomorrow but the hostess's grandma passed away :( So sad. She rescheduled it but now I have 3 parties in the same weekend and may want to stab myself in the eye afterward! It's not like it's a hard job its just time consuming and can take a lot out of you. Oh well, at least I know one weekend in April will be full of fun :)





The Caffeinated Teacher

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

April Fool's + Frog Games + Currently

Happy April Fool's Day! One of my colleagues was posting on FaceBook last night that she wanted to pull some pranks on her kids but was afraid she would just giggle the whole time. I told her she needed to embrace her inner Queen Wood and learn to be straight faced. (Last year when my student teacher was teaching on the American Revolution, she wanted to do a simulation of the tax acts and I said I would be "King George" aka, Queen Wood. We were doing an economy unit and the kids had class cash and I charged them for everything. Breathing, smiling, looking out the window. I mean I laid it on thick. And totally kept a straight face the whole time. Those poor kids probably thought I had lost my ever loving mind. It was epic, they learned how the colonists felt and the following day I brought them cookies for being such good sports about my brief psychosis haha!).

I went all morning (which is 4 hours before a break) without doing anything...and then after lunch I pulled my prank. It was awesome. We've had paper concerns at our school lately and the kids knew only because I had told them last week (before the issue was resolved) that I couldn't make separate copies of one packet for everyone because we needed to conserve paper. So I went along with this and asked them, very seriously, to take their chair pockets off their chairs and put them on their desks. I said, "Friends, you know how we have had paper shortages? Would you believe there is a school in our district that has a chair shortage? I didn't know this but apparently there is and I just found out at lunch that we have to give up our chairs to share with them." They TOTALLY bought it and were stacking chairs and everything. Haha! Finally one of the kids in the back of the room yells out, "HEY, it's April Fools' Day...you're fooling....right?" the last part was so quiet and you could tell he was really hoping I was kidding. LOL I couldn't help but laugh and I had to admit that of course I was fooling them but that they believed me and I got them good ;) They are so silly. A Chair Shortage?? 

After my prank, we did some quick spelling practice and then I let them loose on my new Frog Game sets! When I was at the TL Conference in DC, I went to the exhibition hall and had to go to this table that had frog everything (seriously I have frogs everywhere in my room -- not live ones). They had their game sets for $68 instead of the usual $85 and I got them shipped home for free (I was afraid they wouldn't fit on the airplane carry-on). They arrived yesterday and I was so excited to use them. I had never heard of them but apparently we have some in our school. (I have discovered we have a ton of awesome things in our building that people hoard and don't share...they don't use them but they don't share them either. Lame.) Many of my kiddos knew how the games worked because they had used them with a tutor or in the after school program. Awesome because then I don't have to teach them the directions! They had a blast. I got a math set and a critical thinking set...because my kids can't think outside the box. At all. It's really sad and frustrating and I'm hoping this will help. I think we will do the math set tomorrow. We shall see.

Finally, my Currently for April :)






The Caffeinated Teacher