Sunday, April 20, 2014

Drama + Changes + Easter

Happy Easter bloggers! I hope you a) got a long weekend and b) had a restful and enjoyable holiday if you celebrate. :)

There has been a ton of drama in my life lately. Some work related, others personal. I would honestly have liked to crawl into a cave and stay there at one point this week. Cave = solitude = no drama! Ugh.

The Oldest, as it turns out, was not happy with the college she selected. The very university that interviewed me this summer and *almost* hired me. They are making a lot of changes. This isn't necessarily bad but The Oldest had a certain view of what it should/would be like and it wasn't. She also did not get along, really at all, with her roommate. Things started to unravel when I got home from my DC trip because there was a letter in the mail stating that she was on academic probation because she was failing two classes. I was mad because she had never told us. It all came to a head this week when she accused me of holding her to an unreachable standard, having expectations she can never reach and expecting her to be perfect.

Call it a late teenage rebellion but let's just say, she's lucky that she was 9 hours away...because had she spoken to me in person like that, I may well have bent her over my knee! A lot of cursing (her), threatening (also her) and peacemaking (me) later and I used my Good Friday holiday off from school to drive to West Virginia to withdraw her from school and bring her home. (And if you've read this blog for any length of time, you won't be surprised to know that I told her if she ever spoke to me that way again, she would cease to exist.)

When all was said and done, she was unhappy. The college wasn't what she expected and there was a ton of drama going on with her roommate and suite mates. She didn't handle it well and I think it bothered her being so far away from home that she just couldn't escape the crap even on weekends or anything. 

I did tell her that things aren't always what we want them to be. After the Grade Level Shuffle this summer, things have not been 100% perfect being back at my school. Not by a mile. It doesn't mean I want to leave (although sometimes, it does cross my mind...for many reasons) but I also have a lot more experience dealing with life than she does. So we had to have a little chat about life. I pointed out to her that she can disagree with what I say or think. She can also tell me no (within reason obviously--I *do* pay her bills). What she can't do is blame other people for the choices SHE makes. Because it's a cop out and it's a load of crap. 

I think that hit home when I told her that no matter what she decides to do now, I won't be paying her tuition again. That ship has sailed. I coughed up a lot of money that I didn't have for her to go where she wanted to go. And I was more than happy to do that since I never even had the option. Alas, when she threw it all back in my face without so much as a thought to everything I have given her over the years....she basically incinerated that bridge. She realizes that and accepts it (she probably doesn't like it but she accepts it).

I'm not sure what she will do now. She definitely has to look for a job. She can't just sit around. Heck no, girlfriend you are 18 now...time to join the real world. My hope is that she'll take at least one class this summer at the community college and then go back full time this fall. It'll definitely be different than her little university but overall much cheaper and she'll be home with all of her friends and whatnot. Maybe she will finish an associates there and go to Western Michigan or Grand Valley or something. I don't know...she has some tough choices to make.

Speaking of tough choices....I have also had to make some lately. I actually have four jobs I get paid to do (plus being a mom which is obviously the hardest and well underpaid!). I quit one this week. I just can't do it all anymore. Another will be put on hold for a bit. I might write some this summer but alas, it will be on hold indefinitely for the foreseeable future because I am putting my ducks in a row to enroll in graduate school to earn my doctorate. I have searched other programs and I think I found the one I want. The concentration is in Teacher Leadership and it sounds like it will be the right track to help me down the road when I'm finally ready to open my own school. I'm finishing up my application packet this week and hope to actually start this summer.

It's a cohort program like many doctoral programs are.One class at a time, five weeks per class. By my estimation, it will cost me the same each year to get my Ed.D that it would have cost me to finish financing The Oldest's Bachelor's degree for the next three years. I'm really excited about it--nervous too of course--but I know this is something I need to do for myself. I also know that it is going to be the final push to help me make the changes I want and need to make. 

Just hope that things slow down at bit with the real job...don't get me wrong, I love teaching and my students. Alas, this year is not what I expected it was going to be and I'm very ready for the year to be done. 8 more weeks and then I can regroup and hopefully be ready to start fresh again next year. In the same classroom. In the same grade. It has been five years since that has happened and I'm quite thrilled about it!

The Caffeinated Teacher

1 comment:

  1. That's exciting news about your doctorate. I've been frustrated by how little mine is recognized given that I decided to stay in the classroom. I would really like to do something that involves more leadership, but it's hard being on committees and putting myself out there since I only teach part time and have time constraints due to having to get to daycare after school. You'll be in a different boat because your National Board Certification. I just became part of a writing committee so that has me in contact with some good people in the district office and I am trying to leverage that to get my name out there for possible district positions in the future. We'll see...